Derek is a talking person who says many words. He’s been adding words slowly but surely to his vocabulary for a few months, but this past few weeks has been an EXPLOSION of language, and he’s even building a few 2-3 word sentences. We can have conversations now. Like the ones below

Me: No, that’s mommy’s phone

Derek: Deddit phone!

I wish that worked in real life. Can you imagine? I’d be all at the apple store, admiring a new iPhone and just pick it up and start walking out. The staff would be all killjoy, like “You have to pay for that!” and  I’d be all “LISA PHONE!” Case closed, folks.

Me: What does a dog say?

Derek: Woof! Woof!

Me: What does a duck say?

Derek: Quack!

Me: What does a cow say?

Derek: MoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO

Old MacDonald’s farm is haunted, yo. There be ghost cows straight up haunting the joint.

Derek, pretending to talk on the phone: Hi!

Me, pretending to talk on the phone: Hi!

Derek: Toast!

Me: Oh, you had toast for dinner? (I, of course, am graciously not bringing up about how we made him a lovely beef and vegetable skewer and he refused to even try it, so ended up having toast and fruit for supper. Again.)

Derek: *hangs up pretend phone*

I’d LOVE to just call random people and yell words, make them extrapolate my meaning, then hang up without confirming. It would be so maliciously confusing. Especially if you called companies. You could call the bank and just yell “TRANSFER” and they’d have to guess which accounts and what amount. Delightful.

This is probably my favorite stage so far of parenting. He’s just so endlessly funny.

Here’s the part where I make a promise to blog more often, but promptly break it because of important things like Teen Mom 2 and work and No Pants School and scouring craigslist for a new van.

What have we been up to? Well, we went to Alberta in December to spend Christmas with my family. Short visit because Mike doesn’t get vacation time, but nice all the same. Also, got to dress the baby up in a Santa suit. I am not looking forward to the day that Derek refuses to wear stupid stuff for my amusement. I’ll have to have another baby then or something, because this is just way too much fun.

We spent New Years at Ryan’s again, which was lovely. Played Cards Against Humanity and Just Dance and enjoyed a full baby free night as Auntie Julie kindly took our young man for an overnight.

My birthday was on a Saturday this year, and I got a SURPRISE KARAOKE PARTY! Best birthday ever!!

Other than that, most of January was spent working on school (2 courses down, 38 to go!) and getting back to work. We have a daycare situation sorted out – yay! And I should be closing in on a job soon – extra yay!

My grandparents are retired and as such do fun retired people things like go on month-long vacations to Mexico. This year, they decided to rent a 2-bedroom condo instead of a 1-bedroom and then have various family members come for a week at a time to stay with them. Which is awesome and very generous of them! Mike unfortunately had to work, so just Derek and I went down. Can’t really complain about that – I’d rather play in the sun than stay home and work any day!

Puerto Vallarta with a kid!

Before we left, I had to get a travel letter signed by Mike and notorized by a notary public saying that he gave permission for me to travel to Mexico with Derek. We actually lucked out on this one – they are just about to change their immigration policies to require minors not traveling with all custodial parents to have a letter in English and Spanish guaranteed by the Mexican consulate. Hopefully Mike will be with us next time and we won’t need it.

The best thing I brought to Mexico was my big Bob stroller. We stayed in the older part of PV, and there are a lot of cobblestones and whatnot – I was happy to have the big wheels. Derek was happy to roll and nap in comfort.

There were a fair few stairs in the streets, but other than that, I found Mexico very baby friendly. The locals made a fuss of him, which he liked, and all of the restaurants we went to had high chairs and room to park a stroller.

There are a lot of things to see and do in Mexico, but nothing really special for babies. If Derek were a few years older, we would have been pirate boat cruising and swimming with dolphins. He’s still only one though, so was super happy playing with his great grandparents in the condo.

And playing in the pool with his Auntie.

And playing on the beach.

And strolling the Malecon with me.

Mexico was absolutely lovely. I can’t wait to go back with Mike in the future!

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At this point, he started jabbing the screen angrily, which is a clear sign of writers block, so I decided we should do this in an interview style. Also, for the record, he really did mash ASS into the keyboard. He’s my kid. Are we really surprised? ON WITH THE INTERVIEW!

Derek, rumor has it you really like blocks. Can you elaborate?

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How do you feel about chicken for dinner?

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Do you like Mommy or Daddy best?

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We got our photos done at metrotown at metropolis. $2 a photo, and proceeds go to charity. Win!

My only complaint is that we were a bit rushed. I think if they’d given him a moment to settle and get used to Santa, we would have gotten a smile. Oh well, next year!

The weeks leading up to Derek’s birthday were bittersweet. I mean, my baby? ONE? HOW THAT HAPPEN? That morning, however, I woke up just THRILLED. This perfect little person I made was healthy and smart and growing and developing perfectly and so beautiful and so smart, and TODAY WAS HIS DAY.

This is what ONE looks like, friends.

ONE is also very curious.

We spent most of the morning alternating between playing with our ONE YEAR OLD and getting ready for his party. I baked a cake the day before. It turned out horribly. My facebook description of it was: fell in the middle and looks like it was iced by RuPaul’s make up artist. NOT INACCURATE!

Mike put up streamers. He has streamer talent, yo!

We talked about doing a big open house and inviting all of our friends and family, but ONE is overwhelmed by too many people, so decided in the end just to make it a close family party. Once people came, we started opening presents.

Derek was thrilled with all of his new toys and rewarded us with some cute antics.

Soon after, we sat down for a dinner of lasagna and garlic toast. Derek included. He is a people now and eats people food. And then, it was time for ugly cake! Derek didn’t seem to mind the cake ugliness, and he LOVED everyone singing Happy Birthday to him.

He also enjoyed eating the cake.

I am so so so proud of this little guy. Our first year has been absolutely awesome, and I can’t wait to watch him grow even more. Happy Birthday, baby Derek. I loved you the moment I knew you were growing inside me. I loved you a hundred times more the first time I saw your little face, and I love you even more every day. <3

Anyway, this past Saturday was Decembirthday since Leslie and Tyler are taking off on their honeymoon this Friday. My Auntie Julie was awesome enough to come over to our house, take care of Derek for the night, then take him from (hungover) me in the morning. Best. Aunt. Ever. We fed her breakfast and then she went home. Shortly after, Derek hit Mike in the face with our wireless keyboard. Surprisingly, it did not cure Mike’s hangover.

Decembirthday was 70s themed. I tried to make an intentionally terrible 70s house dress, but I went too terrible and refused to wear it. Mike said I made the right choice. It was THAT bad. The 70s theme explains the terrible pornstaches and afro wigs in the below photos though.

Mike & Jay are strange. Also, Mike has lost weight. Kind of hate him a little. I mean, he’s a boy, so his “diet” is “I no longer eat baked goods for breakfast every morning.” Shut up, Mike.

HAPPIEST SHUT UP CLAIRE EVER.

Fuzzy Kelsea, Fuzzy Pony, Fuzzy Wig, Fuzzy Shut Up Claire

Tracie, Megz, Jay, Leslie, & Mike

Teen & Jenn & Pony. Teen & Pony appear to be violating the blond afro.

Ellery texted me these pictures halfway through the night.

Ellery, you are the opposite of fun and we need to have a sternly-worded conversation about parties. GAWD! Also, Ellery told me my blog is boring and I should talk about the dark side of having children. THERE IS NO DARK SIDE HERE! Yesterday, Derek refused to nap and followed me around the house for 15 minutes crying and refusing to be picked up. I forced him to cuddle with me and have a bottle, and he was back to being his sunny self. That is the worst it’s been in months and months. FIND A LESS HAPPY BABY BLOG FOR DARK SIDE OF PARENTING. I AM SORRY MY BABY ISN’T SHITTY ENOUGH.

I responded to Ellery’s buzzkill texts with this.

Monday was housework and getting groceries and playing with the baby. HARD LIFE.

Tuesday was pretty much the same, except Laurel and Ryan came over for a nachos and wings and Wii party. Basically, we have super awesome friends who are willing to come our way to hang out so that we can put our child to bed and socialize without having to hire a sitter or drag the little guy around past his bedtime. It’s pretty awesome. The consequence of this is that a lot of our social time is housebound and has reverted to (awesome) teenage things like Mario Party and board games.

Today, Baby Derek got his first hair cut. He had been sporting a weird baby side mullet thing. Short in the top and on back, long on the sides and over his ears. Wasn’t the best look, but I was reluctant to get his hair cut based on some irrational belief that not cutting his hair would keep him from aging. Did not work.

We invited Mike’s mom because she’s pretty awesome to hang with. Also, I think Derek is super lucky to have a grandma in the same city, so I want to make the most of it. We went to one of those kid places that has TVs and pretend cars to sit in. I didn’t want him to have to smell hair chemicals or deal with a stylist who wasn’t used to kids. First we sat him in Thomas the Train.

The seat was a bit small and he fell, but didn’t cry because HEY ELLERY THERE IS NO DARK SIDE TO PARENTING WITH THIS KID. I moved him over to the race car and he got his big boy haircut. He was pretty unsure about the whole thing and looked close to crying once, but other than that was super calm and chill.

After his haircut, we walked around the mall for a while. Derek had a blast walking around with his balloon. We also put him on a few kids’ rides, another big boy first.

I tried a few times to get a decent picture of his hair, but he was all “OH LOOK A CAMERA LET’S STARE RIGHT AT IT.” I waited until we got home and bribed him with food to look away.

We spent the afternoon not napping because he fell asleep in the car, but it was okay because he was in a super good mood. He even shared his very favorite pure sugar baby gummies with me! Best. Kid. Ever.

P.S. – The countdown to having a one year old is at 11 days. It’s bitter sweet with extra extra emphasis on the bitter. I’m super happy that he’s growing and developing and healthy, but I also feel a little bit like a death row prisoner with 11 days until execution. MY BABY IS A BIG BOY!!!

P.P.S. – Ellery, I hope you know the boring blog comment was totally legit, and I’m not mad. <3

Okay, so Tuesday night, Mike was supposed to have a meeting after work (the stupid, nonboozy kind), so when Claire texted me with offers of home made bread and soup, I was down. Not that I wouldn’t have been if Mike had been coming home. There are some things you just don’t turn down.

I brought Baby D along, of course, and he pretty much spent the time in a state of baby rapture. Claire and Kailey don’t have kids, so there are magazine and candles and cat water dishes and all sorts of other things to create havoc with. Baby nirvana.

Either because she REALLY likes me or because she’s crazy, Claire still agreed to babysit the next night. I’m going with crazy.

Anyway, we got up Wednesday morning and drove over to BC Childrens for Derek’s 1 year assessment for the CHILD study. He was a perfect little angel and didn’t even cry when they drew blood. It probably helps that the researchers were super nice and did a great job distracting him. He continues his reign at the top of the height and weight charts, and doesn’t have any allergies. All great news.

Wednesday night, Claire came over and babysat so Mike and I could have our first date night since Derek was born. We went to Provence Marinaside in Yaletown. I ordered a half liter of wine. No regrets.

This morning Lindsay stopped by with our photo order. She brought her gorgeous little girl and the kids played for a bit until tired meltdowns started, and then they went home. Mike woke up sick this morning, so he called in late and I drove him in after they left. Poor guy. I told him he should just call in sick for the day, but he had some deadlines to meet, so in he went.

Derek and I played basically all day except for nap time. Dirty little secret… this is pretty much all we do every day. I mean, I tidy up the house and keep on top of laundry and whatnot, but other than that… play time. Some of his favorite games right now:

• I stack tupperware then say something like “Look at my nice neat pile of tupperware. I hope it stays nice and tidy!” Then Derek knocks it over with great energy, and I say “Oh no! what a mess!” and then we both laugh.
• Derek chases me. I run away mock screaming, “oh no, I hope the baby doesn’t get me!” And then I let him get me and pick him up and tickle his neck with kisses and we both laugh.
• I chase Derek. This is mostly a fun game if he has something that isn’t really dangerous, but that he shouldn’t really be playing with, like one of Mike’s inhalers. I run after him saying “oh my goodness! What do you have?” and he giggles and runs away. Then when I catch up, he gives me whatever he’s got and I tell him thank you and that he’s such a good boy.
• Peekaboo. Sometimes with hands or blankets, but mostly around corners and behind furniture.
• Animal Magnets: I bought some magnets of animals and put them on the front of the washing machine. We spend a fair bit of time talking about the animals.
• Stacking and putting things in other things. Stacking and nesting are hot around here right now. We put tupperware and blocks and whatnot in laundry baskets and dump it out and stack it.
• Board books. We read a lot but also spend a lot of time talking about things in pictures. Sometimes he does not feel like the actual story.

Anyway, we did that until after Derek’s dinner, then we popped into Safeway to pick up veggies for dinner, then parked at Mike’s work and walked around for 40 minutes, then rode with Mike home. Dinner and baby bed time. Now I am going through the bajillion photos I’ve taken in the past year to make a CD of Derek’s first year for my aunt (and probably other family – might as well get a bit of mileage out of it!)

I hate the Mommy Wars, even though I know I’ve been guilty of participating in them occasionally. There are so many paths you can take to raise an emotionally, intellectually, and physically healthy child. There are just as many books and web sites that will support virtually any parenting decision you make and an equal number of books and web sites that will inform you that you are damaging your child irrevocably. I hate it.

There is no one perfect way to parent a child. Know your kid as a person, and make your parenting decisions with a cool head and a loving heart, and the chances of them growing up to be fantastic people are pretty high. And while you’re choosing how to raise your child, support your fellow parents as they make their choices, even if your disagree with those choices. Parenting is hard enough without constantly snarking on each other.

One of the controversial parenting topics is whether or not to “sleep train” your child. This basically means leaving them in their crib, possibly checking on them in regular intervals, to cry and figure out how to put themselves to sleep. I didn’t plan on doing it, and I honestly thought we wouldn’t have to. Derek was a terrible sleeper as a newborn (up every 45 minutes for the first few nights – no lie), and we slowly and lovingly helped him learn to put himself to sleep by using routines at bed and nap time and putting him down sleepy. By 8 months, he was mostly sleeping through the night, and life was good.

Around 10 months, he started getting up again. At first it was just once a night for a clean diaper and a bottle – totally manageable. And then it turned into Derek wanting to play. At 10pm. At 1am. At 4am. He’d wakeup and it would take me 1.5 hours to get him back to sleep. Don’t get me wrong – he was adorable and charming in these times, gently patting my face and babbling to me, but that is just way too much awake time at night.

I was shattered. And honestly, so was Derek. Because even with his nighttime adventures, he wasn’t sleeping much more during the day. He was cranky pretty much all day and cried at the drop of a hat, but refused to nap. So we decided to sleep train.

I read up on it, expecting a horrible week of crying outside his door while Mike talked me out of going in, but it honestly wasn’t that bad. The first night, we put him down just before 8, as normal. Around 9, he woke up and started babbling on the monitor. I went into his room and laid him down, then sang him a lullaby and told him it was sleepy time. I walked out and started watching the clock. Repeated this twice more… and that was it. He slept through that night and has slept through pretty consistently since then.

I’m not sure that we really count as having sleep trained him. He knew how to put himself to sleep, but he was choosing not to. I really can’t blame him. The world is exciting and bedtime is stupid and boring to a kid (at least it was for me). Who wants to sleep when you can get up and stack blocks and pull all of the laundry out of the hamper and chat to your favorite person? Sleep is necessary though, for both of us, so it was important that I took a firm (but gentle) line with him. Sometimes he wants to play by my feet while I’m stirring boiling pots of water, and he cries when I put him outside the kitchen and tell him “Too hot! Dangerous!” Other times, he cries because I won’t let him play in the toilet. And he cries when I tell him it’s night time and he needs to sleep now.

It’s my job as a parent to make sure his needs are met, and sleep training was the only way we were able to help him get the sleep he needed.

Derek has entered an exciting new phase of rubbing food all over his head. By exciting I mean mostly disgusting, except he smelled like bananas all day today, and that was pretty awesome. I think this new hobby somehow relates to his recent demonstrations of where his head is. He’s not SAYING a whole lot yet, but he certainly understands a bunch, and I’ve been asking him to show me where his head is a lot. Maybe he was just trying to show me at times that his hands just happened to have food in them? I don’t know. Toddlers are kind of illogical. Today was also a pretty talkative day. Jew gug for juice jug, and up and off and squawk.

Also “dick” in a loud voice while Jodie and Kristen were here. I’m not sure what he was TRYING to say, but yeah.. “dick”. Keepin’ it classy.

Jodie and Kristen were over for study group, only we didn’t do any studying. Jodie is working on her masters in communication, and Kristen is a tedacher, so we get together every once in a while, eat dinner, and then work on our respective home work. Tonight the last part didn’t happen, so I’m working on my LAST assignment for the Business Writing course right now. My exam is booked in a few weeks, and I’m pumped to be nearly done my first course towards my degree!

And then I got to work making the biggest batch of chili I’ve ever seen (and I’ve worked in restaurants..) Anyway, I used my favorite Blue Ribbon Chili (only I add beans because, damnit, chili should have beans) and NINE pounds of meat to to create this beauty:

I also made 4 batches of Rice Krispie Squares. This probably all sounds like an excessive amount of food, but we were left with only 3 medium tupperware containers of chili and 2 tins of Rice Krispie Squares, so I stand by my food volume decisions. Here is a lovely action shot of Aidan‘s husband Bryan reaching for a delicious Rice Krispie Treat.

Derek helped us prepare for the celebrations by carrying around beer bottles and being his cute little self. I really do miss teeny tiny baby Derek sometimes, but Toddler Derek is a riot. He walks everywhere on missions to hide blocks in weird places, and he smiles and everyone, and he repeats words, and he can follow basic commands. He’s kind of the best kid in the history of the world, even if he will only drink out of ONE sippy cup and that particular sippy cup is a fancy non-BPA (good thing) insulated soft-nipple sippy cup that costs $26. We could all commend him on his expensive and fancy choices in beverage containers, except that I’m pretty sure this sippy cup is only okay because it’s silver like Daddy’s beer cans. Keepin it classy up in here.

We ended up with a total of 22 adults and 2 babies, which we managed to cram into our living room and dining room to watch the match.

The babies spread toys all over the Grand Foyer, which sounds super fancy but is actually just our strangely large entry way that serves no logical purpose but is great as an extra space for gatherings.

Babies went to bed during the match. Not the same bed (although I think they’d be cool with it – This is Vancouver and they are gaybies who suck each other’s hands. I’m cool with Matthew for a son-in-law. Just sayin). Derek slept in his crib and Matthew crashed in our room in Derek’s playpen, which he usually rejects. I guess he decided he’d be nice and give his parents a bit of a night out. I don’t think Aidan’s had much non-baby social time since he was born, so it was a nice gesture on his part! Anyway, drinking happened, which means things got kind of stupid. For instance, mustache licking. This is Ryan. He is growing a ‘stache for Movember and looks like either a pedophile or a porn star in a film featuring a student looking for extra credit from her surprisingly horny biology teacher.

Also, people stacking.

People stacking ended badly.

And then dirty words with Derek’s blocks.

69E CUNT FACE indeed, wooden blocks.

Mike and I did a clean up after everyone left, so when we got up this morning, it was like no party ever happened. We mostly relaxed today, except that I went on a craigslist mission to get some bigger clothes for Derek. Did some homework – rocking a 100% average in my Introduction to Computer Science, which is a relief because I’ve only been in the field for a decade. It would be awful to do something as a career for that long and then learn that you SUCK AND EVERYTHING AND ARE ACTUALLY QUITE STUPID. I’m enjoying my courses, but I can’t wait to get into some really hard stuff! All in all, WEEKEND SUCCESS!!!